Grief & Lost Contact

I remember my friend Zach telling me that he didn’t really remember anything that happened the year after his mom died. Grief hits hard and in strange ways.

I did remember what happened the year after my dad died in 2020.

I did remember what happened the months after my mom had a massive stroke in 2021.

I didn’t drift away from memory, I drifted away from other people.

Away, distant from my friends and family. I became unreachable, unavailable. I went into a massive state of withdrawal and social overwhelm. I couldn’t answer texts, I still haven’t answered emails, and social media became terrifying, so I stopped participating in it pretty much altogether.

My internal world felt safer than the scary external world where people I love really do die and are gone forever.

My internal world felt safer, but it isn’t safer. I know that.

I love my friends, I love my family. My life is bleh without them. I need them to keep me from feeling like a ghost. To remind me that I’m real.