Hothead

After I went off on a rant about something or other one evening, I told the martial arts training partner I was with that I was sorry if I went off for too long. I’m just a real hothead sometimes, I told them.

“But you’re trying not to be,” this training partner said back. It was generous of them.

“Uhh, yeah…” I nodded, but also I thought … “… that’s not really true….”

I AM a hot head. I get angry. I see this as a strength and a weakness.

I feel like I can’t HELP in some ways that I am a hothead, but also, it’s because I grew up in a house with a really angry father, so anger was currency. If I can get the angriest and the loudest, I can win.

ANYWAY, when I was done training that night and back home, maybe it was even days later I thought to myself about the situation and arrived at my own resolution:

I’m not trying ‘not to be’ a hothead.

I’m allowing myself to be a hothead.

And I am enjoying it.

Meanwhile, I am listening carefully

for how to best

and most peacefully

channel that energy

into my art.