In the Animal Spirit deck by aritst Kim Krans, which I purchased sometime around 2021, there is a card for the raccoon. Raccoon energy is about wearing a mask, about hiding, but it’s also playful. On the card, Krans mentions that many artists choose to wear masks in the form of an alter ego. She asks us readers to consider how an alter ego might help us on our own journeys.
I took this thought deeply to heart, and I considered how an alter ego could help support me. In the largest sense, I realized it could help me by creating a protective barrier between my sensitive, actual self and the world. A costume, a glittering facade to ward off any darts of hurt that might fly my way as I put myself out there.
Her name is Madam Ant, my alter ego. She’s pretty formed at this point, I’ve been conceptualizing her and occasionally dressing up like her for the past few years. She’s based on the 80’s British Pop Star Adam Ant, but a woman version. She is a singer, she loves to be onstage, she loves leading parades. She might like to be the Grand Marshall of a parade someday, but for today she would love to be a drum major.
Somehow this persona allows me to speak my truth more clearly. She stands for love, joy, and self-expression. Madam Ant is more direct than I am, she takes no shit. At least, in theory. I haven’t taken her onstage yet. Speaking of being onstage, her outfits are fabulous. She wears lots of velvet and tulle, corsets and feathers, sequins, glitter, lamé. Leggings, fishnets, boots, tutus, ribbons. All the clothes, all the sparkles. There is freedom in how she dresses.
She needs a band, this Ant. She’s scared to actually look for a band– or maybe she just isn’t quite ready yet or doesn’t know how. No, I think she knows where to start, it’s just a matter of starting. She’s just scared to start because she cares so much and this is a big deal to her.
And that’s where Michelle comes back in. Michelle can text some friends and see what Antmusic they want to play. And then Michelle puts on the Madam Ant hat when she plays with those friends and *POOF* Madam Ant is playing with a band.
And sure, it may not be a band that is fully formed or ready to perform, but it will be the beginning of the band that might someday be fully formed and ready to perform.
Michelle Folk Johnson 