Alex and I hosted a dinner party tonight for four friends. The kids had sitters.
Tonight was the first time we’ve hosted a dinner party since Covid.
The night had a good rhythm, J and I played music, our friends all got to reacquaint, Alex and I got to do the “Hosting a Dinner Party” project together.
I like throwing parties, I feel at ease while I’m off fetching plates or silverware for guests.
I like leaving the room to the sound of people from different parts of my life telling each other stories.
I no longer train in a traditional martial arts school. I no longer go to a place where I take my shoes off and line up with my classmates. I no longer take belt tests to advance my rank.
Instead I have a teacher who lives a ten-hour drive away. She offers me and her other students a brilliant and simple martial system, which I am certified to teach. I am now at the point in my martial arts career when I may open my own school and start my own teaching practice.
I want to start a school of sorts, but I don’t have the framework that people in traditional systems have. In a way, I feel like not having a framework offers me too much freedom. For my own school, my teacher has made it clear that I can pretty much offer our system any way I want. She has offered to support me however she can, but it’s up to me to build whatever I like.
And so I’ve been thinking about and planning my school for the last three years. During the beginning of Covid, I realized it would be near impossible to start a school, so I used that time as my “hermit/monk time.” I meditated, I practiced, I pondered the nature of the martial arts. I asked myself deeper questions. Did I want to be a teacher? Did I have what it took to be a teacher, emotionally and energetically? Did I deserve to be a teacher? I pondered whether or not I related to myself as a “warrior.” I paid attention to the ways my training is different than my male counterparts’ training.
What I found inside myself was a ferocious beast of a martial artist. A beast who has become ferocious to protect her fragile heart. I’ve found that all of the martial artists I know are sensitive people who train to protect that sensitivity. We build our personal armor out of strikes and kicks. And then, at a certain point, if we keep training, our sensitivity itself becomes our armor. We become so attuned to nuance in fighting that we hardly have to actually fight anymore. We see and feel ways around fighting.
The big question I’ve asked myself over and over again is: What counts as a martial art? During the spiritual deep-dive of my covid meditations, the sentence came to me:
“A martial art is any art that can be used to cut through illusion.”
In my art, I’m seeking truth. About myself, about others, but at the core of it, I’m seeking true movement. Clean, efficient, effortless movement that seems to come from within me instead of moves that are being “done by me.”
Connecting into that true movement has sort of become my religion. When my body does some inspired move I didn’t expect, it’s the closest I feel to a higher power, and the closest I feel to my training partners. The feeling is a loss of ego — where there once was ego, there is simply wonder and delight.
I posted a flyer looking for bandmates the other day, but it wasn’t an honest attempt to find people:
First of all, the flyer I posted is too hard to read and too self-centered. I mean, leading with “Marvelous Frontwoman” kinda makes it all about me. And while I AM a marvelous frontwoman, a flyer to find bandmates should be about the people I’m trying to find, not about how marvelous I am.
Also, there are zero specifics about what kind of music we will play. And what instruments we will need. And there are no details about how to get in touch beyond my Instagram handle.
Still, posting the flyer in public was a brave act, and I’m giving myself points for that.
Time to draft flyer #2: the honest attempt. So who am I trying to find? How often will we practice and perform? What music will we play? Let’s brainstorm:
The name of the band will be Madam Ant Band, and the concept is a glammy, cheeky, female-fronted 80’s influenced art-rock tribute band. I will be the lead singer and my stage persona will be my alter-ego, Madam Ant. She is a modern-day, female version of Adam Ant, the frontman for the 80’s British post-punk band, “Adam and the Ants.” Mr. Ant (….hmm, somehow “Captain Ant” sounds better and feels more appropriate) Cpt. Ant went on to a successful solo career as just Adam Ant.
(I have plenty more to say about Adam Ant, but for now, I’ll just say that his message is a timely one of personal liberation and the simple joys of being sexy and having fun. My Adam Ant repertoire is only 7 or 8 songs deep, but they’re all bangers.)
People/Instruments: I’m looking for musicians with professional chops. I think we’ll need 2 guitars, a bass, drums, keys, a trumpet or two, an occasional saxophonist (which could be me), and maybe some backup singers and ancillary percussion. Hm. That’s a lot of folks. Good to know.
Time Commitment: I’d like a group of musicians who can practice once/week and play a show maybe once/month. I imagine it’ll take us a few months to get up and running.
Practice Space: I don’t have one yet. In my experience, the practice space depends a lot on the drummer and where their kit is set up.
Repertoire: Here’s the fun part. I want to play covers of songs from the 80’s, 90’s and beyond. Maybe that’s how I’ll word it. Or maybe just “80’s Art Rock Band.” Hm. This should be at the beginning of the flyer. Bands we will cover would include: Adam Ant, Talking Heads, Pretenders, Erasure, and then I’d like to do some newer stuff too– The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember right now. (Also, I know that those two bands– The Strokes and Franz Ferdinand– are also kinda from a long time ago. Have I mentioned that I am 42 years old and stopped listening to new music once my kids were born?)
Anyway, I was thinking we could tie all of these covers together by saying that they’re all in the vein of “Post-Punk.” Hmm, maybe “Post-Punk Cover Band” is the right language. Or “Post-Punk Influenced.” Yeah, that’s probably better.
* * * * *
:brainstorm complete.
Well. I feel like this has been a VERY productive brainstorming session. I have a lot more info to go on for when I make my next flyer.
My biggest takeaway from tonight: What I’m looking for in a band is a BIG ASK.
Below is a little bit about an upcoming class I’ll be teaching this October at the Pacific Association of Women Martial Artists’ annual training camp. I still need to sign the teacher agreement, make travel arrangements, register for camp, flesh out the class plans, and teach practice classes, but I’m well on my way!
I left the chalky sidewalk to add texture. Plus it distracts from how crooked the writing is 🙂
There’s a part of me that thinks that maybe trying to post on this blog once a week is not the right pace for me. I’ve been intending to post once a week, but I haven’t been. I have been posting more like “almost once a month.”
I could drop down my expectation, and try to post less often. But there’s a part of me that thinks maybe I should INCREASE my expected output. Maybe my pace is too slow and it’s causing stagnation. Maybe I need to post once a day! Maybe I will try it for a month. I have creative diarrhea anyway, a once-a-day pace would help allow for a freer flow…
I have these habit-tracker stickers I just bought. They’re from Pipsticks, they have gold foil on them. I haven’t been able to get my life in order, but now that I have these gold foil habit tracker stickers, I KNOW I will be able to get my life in order. I’m placing a lot of hope on these stickers.
Hold on, I’ll take a picture…
Oh my God, look at them.
Aren’t they pretty?
Right now I feel like I’m drowning in overwhelm.
I think keeping an organized planner will really help me go into this school year with aplomb. Hold on, now I have to make sure I used “aplomb” correctly…
Yes, I did.
Also, I am not in school, my kids are. I am STARTING a school, a martial arts school, but that’s another topic.
Ok. Here is a blog-based checklist for right now:
Add blogging habit tracker sticker to Planner
Add Physical Therapy habit tracker sticker to Planner
Write new Bio for this blog.
Ok, now to tackle 1 and 2…(time passing)
Ok, done. Now to share another picture:
Wow, I did something. Phew.
Now the challenge is to actually do the thing to fill out the stickers every day.
Challenge accepted.
Well, I’m going to post this now, then I can fill in the one habit tracker sticker.
Ugh, then I’m going to log on to my PT portal so I can make a workout plan for the week re: my PT (for a busted-up shoulder) I haven’t been the best PT patient, I need to practice more.
THEN if I have time, I’m gonna re-write the bio for this blog.
Michelle Folk Johnson 