The First Monday

Today is the first Monday my kids are back in school. I drop them off, go on a Trader Joe’s run, then come back home and relax a bit. Next I go to the coffee shop, where I hand my writing partner/barista J the Sunday New York Times Book Review, and get an iced coffee and banana chocolate muffin.

I sit at my table on the coffee shop patio alone. So grateful to be alone. So relieved that my kids are back in full-time school.

I listen to music, email an old friend, and work on an illustration for tomorrow’s post, which I also plan to post to Instagram. That post will be my first PMA&C (Portland Martial Arts & Crafts) movie review.

Right now about ten people read my blog every day– I see the stats before I log on. I’m curious to find out what will happen when I direct a little traffic here from my Instagram.

Stats!

I will keep you posted, dear reader.

Burnout

I get burned out on being a mom sometimes. Then I feel bad that I’m burned out, and try to power through, but then I get more burned out. And then if I keep going, I’m likely to explode.

I’m trying to notice the burnout feeling early and take a break before the “about to explode” feeling happens.

Tonight I exploded.

I screamed in frustration.

Then my husband asked me to take a break.

Then I took a break. In the future, I’d like to take the break BEFORE the explosion. I can explode while I’m on my break: I can swing on the swings, sing, hit things, run, move, dance.

Healthy explosions.

Consistency and Followthrough

In couples counseling, Alex and I are talking with our therapist about parenting. Our therapist says that when setting boundaries with our kids, the two most important things are consistency and followthrough. Be consistent with the rules, and follow through on what you tell the kids will happen when they follow or break the rules. 

When governing myself and my creative work, I sometimes lack consistency and followthrough. I’ll have ideas for projects, I’ll even start some projects, but then I’ll leave them hanging, unfinished. I’ll contact friends about potential projects, then fall off the face of the earth for a while and let the project and my friend’s expectations die. I’ll make invisible rules for myself about when and how I’ll work, then I’ll break them and say they were stupid rules in the first place.

But occasionally, I do follow through. Like right now, I’ve given myself a challenge to post on my blog every day for a month, and I’m about halfway through. 

I’m being consistent!

I’m following through! 

Magical habit tracker sticker with gold foil. Oooooh, baby.

My takeaway so far from posting every day is that it makes writing so much easier. I’m not as precious about what I post or what I share, because I’m sharing every day. No ideas get held too tightly, nothing gets too polished, I’m just putting ideas out there into the world. 

I told my writing partner Katja this morning that posting every day is helping my creative flow. When I was posting less often, ideas would get stuck and fester inside me. I had the experience of sticky creative stagnation. 

Posting to the world makes me braver. And happier.