Femm Fighting Success!

On September 28th my buddy Jaydra Perfetti and I hosted Femm Fighting, a martial arts workshop for women & genderqueer martial artists. Our intention was to create community among those of us who may experience being gender minorities in the martial arts. The event was a lovely success: 15 of us gathered at Southwest Portland Martial Arts to train and play together. Attendees included teachers and practitioners of various martial arts, and even some brave folks who had never tried martial arts before. Some artists came from as far away as Seattle and Oakland to join us. We were so honored they made the trip!

While much of our time together was spent practicing, my favorite part of the day was the group discussion. Jaydra gave us a prompt, and we went around in a circle with our replies. I’d like to start this post by sharing a bit of what was said during our discussion:

First prompt: “What’s one challenge you face as a gender minority in a martial arts training space?”

Answers included: Fear, consent issues, not wanting to be triggered. Trouble feeling safe as a beginner. Managing men’s emotions. Feeling patronized. The feeling of not being taken seriously by men, or having to “prove ourselves” in male-dominated situations. People hitting us in retaliation during drills. Not feeling recognized for our skill level. Having our opportunities taken away or given to men. Getting told what to do by people who are junior to us.

Second prompt: “What would you like to see more of in your school?

Answers included: Acknowledging the emotional side of martial arts. Making things accessible for beginners, but still challenging and fierce. Playfulness. More 1on1 with other fem people. Sliding-scale inclusion. Guest instructors/workshops.Trauma-informed knowledge. Less hierarchy, more adaptation. Taking our social structures out into the world. Group open workout/conditioning opportunities. Meditation in tandem with practice.

Third prompt: “What do you love about your training?”

Answers included: Teaching and seeing students getting better. Crossover skills–when skills from one area of life are relevant to martial arts, and vice versa. Moments of relaxation. When the whole class is laughing and having fun together. Being in my body, feeling alive. Feeling like a badass. Playing games usually for kids in adult class. Watching the moment when someone “gets” something for the first time.

The discussion was eye-opening and healing. Many folks nodded in understanding as others shared how they’ve experienced gender discrimination as martial artists. We also laughed and nodded in understanding when we shared what we love about being martial artists. The discussion helped forge a deeper connection among us.

The rest of the day was dedicated to training together. Here’s the flyer with the schedule of events, and a little bit more about the workshop:

The event started with an air of excitement and warmth. We began with an opening circle where we shared our names, pronouns, and martial arts history. Many of us had never met each other before, but once we got into warm ups, we were laughing, making friends, and having fun.

After warm-ups, Jaydra led our “hitting stuff” class, and did a great job creating a format that we could adjust to our own ability levels.

We then moved on to some open mat training, where folks could spar, push hands, or roll together. This part of the afternoon went by too fast– many of us agreed that next time we’ll need to allow more time for open practice.

After the event, many of us stuck around to go get food cart dinner together. Having this casual time together post-training was delightful. We shared jokes and stories, talked more about our schools and lineage, and made plans for training together more in the future.

We are planning to make Femm Fighting a twice-yearly event in Portland. Our next event is tentatively scheduled for May 17, 2025. If you would like to attend, or if you have any questions, please send us a message at femmfighting@gmail.com.

We hope to train with you in the future!

November 6, 2024

Election results are in, and Trump has been elected president again. I thought I would want to stay in bed and cry all day today, but I don’t. I felt pulled to come to my corner coffee shop. I’m crying a little bit here, but not as much as I did yesterday before we knew the outcome.

Last time Trump was elected president it came as such a shock. In a different coffee shop on that morning, I cried with a bearded stranger. I felt helpless, weak, and scared.

Today, though, I feel a renewed sense of clarity. Our nation is not the place I hoped and dreamed it would be. I see that even more clearly today. For me, this election was about human rights, especially women’s rights. For others it was not. Other people don’t see it that way.

But this coffee shop is bustling and full of people who do see it that way. We’re here, talking to each other occasionally, but mostly sitting in our little bubbles and doing our work. I feel a warmth in our togetherness, an undercurrent of camaraderie. I am grateful that it is not pandemic times anymore, and that we can take comfort in our togetherness. I know the people around me share my values and beliefs– I hear them all around me talking about those values and beliefs.

So what do we do next? How do we move forward with a president we despise? A president who is a criminal, a bigot, and an abuser? Well, we’re Portlanders, and Portlanders will fight, I know that. We’ll keep standing up and shouting for what we believe in. We’ll keep speaking out.

As for me, I wondered how I would move forward, how I would be able to get out of bed this morning, how I would be able to stare down the barrel of four more years of a Trump presidency. The answer that came to me this morning and was very simple: write through it.

I will write through it. Make art. Use my voice. Do good work. Connect with others and deepen my commitment to my community and my country. I’ll keep going. We’ll keep going together.

Hopeful and Terrified

When Trump was elected president in 2016, I had a bit of a mental breakdown.

My daughter was a baby. On election night I thought we were about to witness our country voting in its first woman president. We didn’t. I cried. Instead we voted in a man who admitted to grabbing women by the crotch. I thought there was no way that our country could vote in a sexual abuser. I was wrong. I was terrified for my future and for my daughter’s future. During Trump’s presidency the news was so traumatic that I had to stop listening to it. My body was full of new-mom hormones and feeling things extra-deeply. I couldn’t be filled with panic and still be a good mom to my baby. So I stopped watching and listening to the news entirely. I let current events filter in to me through Weekend Update on SNL or my friends.

It’s election night again, and I’m terrified all over again. I pray to God that Kamala Harris wins, but I’m very afraid she will not. Earlier today I was stuck in a loop of hating myself for not doing more for Kamala’s campaign. The loop was frightening. Thankfully, though, I had scheduled a meeting with my therapist for today. She said that when the unthinkable might happen, or happens, one way that humans try to get control is to think “if only I had done this, then the unthinkable wouldn’t have happened.” It was helpful to hear that angle. That angle, knowing that my mind is just searching for control, is what is keeping me from re-entering that loop of self-criticism.

My therapist also said that whatever happens, it is important that we keep doing the daily work that is meaningful to us. That idea of doing meaningful work is keeping me tethered to the ground right now. I can still teach respect, I can still stand up for what I believe, I can still be a role model for the kids in my life.

I also still have my community. All around me there are people who hold the same values and beliefs that I do. I know that I am not alone.

Kids Martial Arts Classes

This fall I’ll be teaching a six-week martial arts class for kids ages 5-10 at Ready Set Grow, a family-oriented yoga studio in my Portland neighborhood. I love teaching kids–they’re wildly unpredictable and fun to work with. I teach martial arts a little differently than other schools, so I wanted to take a moment to share how I teach and practice martial arts with kids.

Martial arts classes almost always start and end with bowing. Bowing or saluting is a tradition in every martial art I’ve studied, and I love it. When we bow we take a moment to show respect: to our teacher, to the school, to ourselves, to each other. I believe that if we showed this kind of respect to each other more often in our everyday lives, we might find ourselves in a kinder and more civil society. In martial arts class we get to practice living in such a society. The ceremony of bowing creates a container of respect and a little bit of formality–we’re having fun, but we’re also taking our practice seriously.

After we bow in, we take a moment to meditate. We may meditate seated or standing. We focus our minds, turn off our voices, and become one with our surroundings. Meditation helps us learn to regulate our bodies, minds, and feelings. A little bit of meditation practice at the beginning of class gives us a set point to come back to should we need a break.

Next we get moving. Our movement curriculum is a collection of strikes, blocks, kicks, and footwork patterns. We learn these through various games and exercises. While I’m interested in kids having the proper form for their strikes, I’m even more interested in encouraging them to move freely in their bodies. Many of the kids in my classes say they already know how to do the moves anyway–they’ve seen them on Ninjago or in Kung Fu Panda. Rather than deny what they know, I invite them to show me, then I make minor adjustments to improve their form if necessary. I also invite them to make up their own moves and fighting styles. After all, all the moves I teach them were made up by someone else along the way.

We also touch on a little self-defense. Kids tend to express their emotions through their bodies naturally–they haven’t yet learned to regulate their feelings all the way, or to hold them in to be polite. As much as possible, I want kids to keep this connection to their bodies. This ability to listen and express our feelings helps us when it comes to self-defense. When our gut is telling us something is off, it is our job to honor that “off” feeling and set a boundary. In our class I teach the kids how to say “no,” effectively. “No,” “Don’t touch me,” “I don’t want to play right now,” “I don’t want a hug right now.” When kids learn to stand up for themselves and their personal boundaries, they can go through the world feeling safer and more confident.

Once we’ve done our movements and games for the day, once we’re done fighting each other with pool-noodle swords, we take 5-10 minutes to write in our training journals. I started having my kids journal during our last class series, and we all ended up loving it. At the end of class kids have a major dip in energy–the little ones get pretty tired, so journaling gives us a way to decompress. I like to write a little bit about what I learned in that day’s class, but the kids tend to draw pictures of themselves fighting with swords. I like how this helps them solidify their self-image as a fighter, as someone strong. They love telling me about their drawings, and on occasion have even written sweet notes to me in their journals (I feel so loved!)

And so, I’m grateful to be teaching this course to kids once more this fall. The kids keep me on my toes, and they keep my teaching fresh. I’m excited to find out what I’ll learn from this next group of young martial artists.

Standing Meditation

Wuji standing meditation is the foundation of the martial arts and healing system I teach. “Standing is everything,” my teacher Sana will say, over and over. When we stand we aim to release tension in the body and connect deeply with the earth. Being in tension limits our possible movements– if the arm is full of tension, it can’t punch quickly and efficiently. When we can allow for the release of that tension, not only in the arm but in the entire body, we can open up to the possibility of seemingly effortless, multidirectional, flowing movement.

But before we move, we stand. In standing we’re listening for our cleanest, clearest, alignment between heaven and earth. The depth of our connection with the earth relates directly to how much energy we can allow to flow through us, and therefore how much power we can issue in our martial movement. Standing position is quite specific, so I’d like to list some of the fundamental ways we are aiming to position our bodies in Wuji standing.

Here we go! Feel free to give it a try as you read:

• Bring awareness to the lower dantian, the energetic center below the navel and deep in the body. By allowing our awareness to rest here instead of in our head, we begin the journey of felt embodiment. Standing is all about feeling and allowing, not thinking and doing.

• Feet are hip-width apart and parallel, toes pointed forward, weight even on the feet.

• Ankles are opening in all directions.

• Knees aren’t locked: have soft energy and awareness at the backs of the knees.

• Hips are “sitting in,” as though there’s a little bicycle seat right behind you that you’re sitting on. The lower back opens and the front of the belly closes. The hip flexors open. This “sitting in” position allows for the body to connect deeply into the legs, the feet, the earth.

• We allow the kidney area to be full. This can be the most elusive aspect of standing for newbies– I know it was for me. Before I started practicing standing, I didn’t even realize my back could be full or empty. I knew my stomach could go in and out, but not my back. This is where practicing with a partner can be very helpful. Your partner can place their hand on your back, over your kidneys, and invite your back to meet their hand. Listening for how to fill the kidneys can take some time, but it will make all the difference in the connection between the upper and lower body.

• The sternum rests in to the pelvis. That is, we don’t want the chest up and out, we want it softly rested in and down.

• Arms are resting loosely at the sides of the body. We can change the arm position in standing, but having the arms loose is a nice place to start.

• The chin is rested in to the heart, not jutting out. The throat is soft.

• We imagine the goddess Quan Yin is above us in heaven and is holding a golden thread that attaches to the bai hui point on top of our head. We imagine that our skeleton is dangling from this thread.

• We are listening behind, attending to the space behind us. Often we are so focused on on what is in front of us, what is ahead of us, that we are pulled out of ourselves and into the action. The focus of standing meditation is to be fully present in ourselves and in the present moment. Listening behind increases our awareness in the present.

• Eyes are gazing at the horizon–we allow the horizon to come to us.

• A soft smile is on the face. We allow ourselves to enjoy standing.

How we stand determines how we experience life. Are we leaning forward eagerly when we stand? Are we pulling back and away? Do we shift our weight nervously? Are we trying to appear in control, in charge? Are we in our heads and not even aware of how we’re standing?

When we stand still we can listen in to the messages our bodies are sharing with us. Where are our emotions living in our body? Where are we holding tension? Where are we out of balance? When we can bring awareness to our tension and imbalances, we can begin the journey of letting go of them.

In standing we aim to increase awareness, expand consciousness, and rest into presence. We can practice standing for long stretches at the park or for brief moments in line at the grocery store. We can take what we learn in standing directly into our everyday lives and into our relationships with others. What a nice practice to have in our embodiment and self-awareness toolkit.